♥ PhooiSze.
I have a great passion for both speaking and writing, hence making me a great friend but an even greater enemy. But even so, i am probably the best person alive! Why?

because i am biased, stupid. I am a PZ after all, hello?


Sweets!
Designing!
Pink. At least I am TRYING to. T__T'
Turning people into retards. It's my forte anyway.


Pink!
People who hates me MWHAHAH!


Nokia 7390
Laptop
Make my own blogskin
Let's not daydream and move on ok? =)


March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008









Kyeanies
Ariel
Britney
Billy
Kay
Li Shan
Colin

Nat
Ginny
Vivien
Sho
Sachie
Joie
Shaun
Yong Enn


Images: 1
Brushes: 1
Designer: bubbles145
Base Codes: purpl3d

An apology.

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Okay before I start I would make it CLEAR here that my camera has OFFICIALLY spoiled. I can't take a single pics anymore because the lens [?]...it cannot come out perfectly and cannot go in gracefully wtf and my phone is STILL DEAD and it's still in my hse so in other words, no cam, no pics. Like wtf okay it feels SO bad to be the only one in the class without bluetooth T__T". I am using my old Samsung phone, and I would say it really has a pretty durable body because out of tulaness I threw it at heidi and she failed to catch and it dropped onto the floor and it's still fine wtf. I dropped it HARD like two times and it's still perfectly fine wtf. So shut up this two weeks has been the worst I've went through in my entire life and funny thing is, I don't feel so fucked up already now even though one by one of my material possession are getting spoiled. Anger management can. =)
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Yes, today Hsian Loong came for a visit and I thought I wouldn't give a damn about it but ends up, I was one of them who spent time with him. As usual, we went to bam and all but this time it's a little different. It's not the ordinary yumcha ritual I go through almost everyday. This time, we actually talked about good [and bad] old times, some even dating back to 5 years ago. Funny thing is, it's those little details that I can still remember till today. There was no wall between us; we talked about how much we hated each other back then. I still remember I used to dislike Joie on and off since year 2. She used to hate me and all too so I was just really curious at the reasons. She told me hers and I told her mine. It was a really brutally honest confrontation and I would say, I've waited THIS long for someone to come up to me, and tell me my flaws- right in my face.

It seemed that I was really snobbish last year and I was evil and mean and malicious and what nots. I didn't even make the effort to defend myself because from their point of view, I can hereby confirm that they are right. Apparently it was because I was in the first class wor. But no, I don't think it's because I was in the first class. Truth was, I really disliked Joie and Devyani and all back then, and you know best how sarcastic I can be at times when I really feel such overwhelming dislike towards a person. And whatever they said was right. I was evil, mean and perhaps a little malicious.

I remember how I used to attack people so outrightly. It didn't occur to me then that it was wrong because I believe in being straight forward and all. I still do, but I guess I don't get angered by anything and everything nowadays. I remember I felt pretty awkward when I stepped into the first class. Take for example, I've never talked to Britney or Ariel before. I don't think I've even made eye contact with Siang Gin and the rest before that. I felt really like an outsider there, and I found out that the only way to protect myself was to sacrifice others. I eventually realize that somehow, my words hold significance to many. By attacking others, I not only got attention, it meant that I was the 'never-left-out' one because people read my blog like it's some damn bible and therefore, they dare not go against it. Yes, do laugh. You are hearing these words from an egoistic 13 year old who did at a phase of her life, felt insecure.

It was this year that I realize how inconsiderate my actions were and it really hurt others. You know, to be 'featured' in my blog. I deleted my old blog, and decided to start afresh. My readership wasn't as high as the sky like how it used to be, but I am still contented. Mainly because now I don't write for others to read. I write just for myself, and somehow, seeing my thoughts in words brings out calm from within. Maybe that's what people call personal satisfaction, I don't know.

And my question is still, did I change for the better?

I think I did but who am I to judge? All I can say is, I went through all that without a single regret. I may be a bitch back then, but without the old me, I wouldn't be who I am today. I think I went through all that for good. We learn to live and live to learn or do you have something better to say?

And without those days, I doubt I'll even sit in the same table with Joie and the rest today.

Learning is a journey towards self discovery, no?

Labels: apology, confessions, friends, Life, School

Your Lover's Lover 5:35 AM